found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
