You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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