i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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