Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
