You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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