Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
