mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
