I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
