Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
