Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just want nice things and good sex
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
