Apparently you make a good broom.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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