I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
