I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
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Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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