BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
