i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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