they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
