I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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