How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Randomize
