Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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