I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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