Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
