In the future we'll all be gay
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
