So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
