so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
