"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
