tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
