So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
