i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Dicks are not precious.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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