you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
