My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
