please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
