I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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