It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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