My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
