There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
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I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
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The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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