Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
