so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
