Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize