please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
