Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
