I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
third nipple confirmed
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
