So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We left the knife in your bed.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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