Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
