I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
