I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
