everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Randomize
