Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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