so explain again why im purple
no
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
