doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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