i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
