Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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