eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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