I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
