is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
