There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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