the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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