I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
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