New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Randomize
