i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
