so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
