in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
