He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
