I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
