You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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