im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
