she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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