My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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