My sheets look like a crime scene.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Randomize
