who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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