At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
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i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
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