I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
