you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
