I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
