I hate all girls vehemently.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
