I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
