u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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