U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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