Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
