I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
